I like to laugh at this word “Free Size”. Each time my sister (who happens to be an “XL” person) and me (a “M” person) goes shopping for clothes, we would ask the sales staff what the size would be on the tag when there were none indicated.
And as usual, they would give an answer that “It’s free size”. Can you imagine this? I’m holding on to a blouse which looks like a large size but with no size indicated on it and looking at my sister and myself, the blouse is too large for me and too small for her. So how can it be a ‘Free size’?!
Another occasion was when we were at another shop that sells T-shirts and again we picked one up, looked at the tag, and the “Free Size” words were indicated. This time my sister took the T- shirt, measured it against her tummy ( psst.. that’s her large part =) ) and guess what? The T-shirt wouldn’t even reach from one side to the other of her tummy.
How is it that the words ‘Free Size” is being used so loosely???? Huh?? My head is cracking up.
So , I’ve decided to give it some thought. If this clothing is “Free Size”, wouldn’t it be a “one size fits all” kinda clothe? Thinking illogically for a second… That means it should fit even a baby till an XXXXXL person, shouldn’t it? It’s suppose to stretch and shrink the way you want it to be …. It’s suppose to be “FREEEEE SIZE”!
Ok! Ok! ….. Back to logical thinking…. truth is there is no such thing as “Free Size”. Everyone has a size, it either “XS”, “S” , “M”, “L”, “XL”, “XXL”, “XXXL” or more. Don’t you agree?
I think the garment factory just doesn’t know what size to label and so they named it “Free Size”.
I wonder who started the “Free Size” word…… Hey Ladies! ……. Can you imagine a “Free Size” bra? Hahahahaha. Adoi!!!! Cannot imagine what type of cup to use???? Disposable ones????.... Hahahahahaha………. More HUH????
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It had been more than a year since I had seen him, yet the bond between us remained us profound as ever. He stood at the doorway of his simple terrace house, his kindly grizzled face illuminated by a smile of heartwarming joy. He is the last living gentleman of an all but extinct moral idyll.
It is no surprise that Alfred Kunalan quickly became my favourite patient at Hospis Malaysia two years ago during the course of my Community-Based Practice programme. With a magnanimous charm and effervescence undiminished by a decade-long affliction with colon cancer, Alfred was a character who appeared ill-placed in the sterile hospice environment resonating with ominous terminality. He dispelled the stifling funerary ambience with his compassionate nature and keening wit, a refreshingly unique spirit in a domain almost unanimously associated with futility and hopelessness. Alfred radiated positive uplifting energy, a compelling antithesis to other patients similarly affected with malignancies, but embattled with bitterness. In fact, while seated at the table and glaring with mock anger at a volunteer who dared to take away a plate of candies before he had his fill, he seemed more alive than even the healthy people in the room. Yet Alfred was the odd one. Volunteers and hospice staff perceived the gloomy patients as the normal ones. Who could fault them for their depressed spirits? Practitioners of conventional medicine had deemed their unfortunate predicaments beyond the tangible aid of medical intervention. Palliative care was merely a means to prepare them for the inevitable end, and not many of them were willing to go peacefully.
The Kübler-Ross model highlights five discrete stages narrating how people cope with grief and tragedy. Alfred must be one of the few individuals who readily accepted the trials and tribulations of life from the outset. The diagnosis which might have crippled the spirits of younger, more able-bodied men fortified his own, and provided the impetus for him to serve as a source of spiritual enlightenment for others. Alfred perceives his disease as a blessing: “Before I had cancer, I thought the world was condemned. Beyond redemption. But after that, I realised just how many beautiful people there are still around. And it’s beautiful people like you and others that make the world go round.” He narrated the stories of Sodom and Gomorrah: “Abraham begged God to spare the twin cities if he could find one, just one virtuous person in each of the cities. God promised that for the sake of the righteous dwelling within each city, He would wreak no destruction. I believe that that promise from God still holds true today.”
When I discovered that I failed Year Two in 2008, I was shattered. Alfred was among numerous people who encouraged me to not quit medicine, for he was convinced beyond the shadow of a doubt that I was destined to be a gifted medical practitioner. “It’s not because you are brilliant, because you know that and everyone else knows that. But you have a beautiful heart, and God knows that you’ve made me so happy. You’ll have the chance to make many people happy when you become a doctor. Aspiration is not equal to ability, but you have both. That’s why you’re going to succeed.”
“Sir, maybe I just don’t have what it takes,” I cried.
“When we pose a question to a computer, we never question the answer it gives us. Why do we always question this computer?” I could hear him tapping his finger against the side of his skull. “This computer created that computer. Why do we always question it?”
Alfred is quite the ladies’ man at church, never short of a few dozen female companions at the end of the evening service. He takes a good half hour to walk the short distance from his seat to the exit. Without fail, an attractive young lady loops her arm through his and escorts him home. “God must love me dearly,” he tells me with a rakish wink. “He gave me a stroke, which reduced mobility in my one leg. Now I’m always in the company of pretty girls.” Were it not for his uncompromising devotion to religion, Alfred could be easily mistaken for a decrepit old lecher. But it is common knowledge that he shared naught but platonic relationships with women and girls. “I love you,” he tells me as he clutches my hand with paternal affection. “I love many young ladies. But I always tell people, never confuse love with lust. My four sons know this, too. They know I will throw them out if I ever find out they’ve been abusing a woman’s love.” With a twinkle in his eye, he recalls how he courted his wife for four years, never once laying a finger on her. “People thought there was something wrong with me,” he said. “But our wedding night was beautiful and pure because we saved ourselves for each other. And that’s the most precious gift two people in love can give one another.”
Alfred's wife of thirty-three years, Bibianna, was diagnosed with cancer one year after Alfred himself was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer. Doctors concluded that she had an exceedingly poor prognosis: two months at the most to live. But she persevered for five whole years. Alfred is not acquainted with ‘mind-body medicine’ in the same manner as those in the medical field, but still acknowledges the vital role psychosocial factors played in Bibianna’s life during her twilight years. “We are a close-knit family and community. Bibianna came alive when she received visitors. The physical pain she suffered during those visits was excruciating, but she refused to take her morphine until after they had left. She said that although the morphine dulled the pain, it had a similar effect of her emotions, putting her in a stupor. She just didn’t want to be robbed of any aspect of special human interaction.” When Bibianna succumbed to her disease in 2004, Alfred was initially distraught but found solace in religion. “She went before me, to prepare heaven for me,” he always tells me. “I hate it when people talk about how much I loved my wife while she was alive,” he tells me. “I never loved my wife. I love her.”
The concept of love and marriage has been accorded evolving interpretations over the years. Alfred speaks despairingly how people have acquired a disenchanted perspective of intimacy and romance. In his youth, he says, when an individual elected to remarry, especially in situations where the dissolution of the marriage did not stem from the natural death of one partner, society viewed the newly married partner with a certain degree of disparagement. Now it is not unheard of for newlyweds to request annulment of their union within days of the ceremony. At the most, it makes for some interesting, albeit short-lived headlines. “I have loved many women throughout my life. Bibianna is the only one I have ever, and will ever, love beyond platonic attraction.”
Another reason why Alfred’s memories of married life resonate so profoundly with me is the fact that like my beloved Christopher and I, Alfred and Bibianna were (or rather, are) an interracial couple. And like us, their love was subject to relentless opposition from family and friends. Their respective families stigmatised romantic relationships between individuals of different races. Bibianna literally had to choose between marrying her soul-mate, and abiding by her family’s wishes. Her parents disowned her on her wedding day, and she would never hear from them again for the rest of her life.
A history of forty pack years preceded the day Alfred officially received his diagnosis of colon cancer. He mystified everyone by quitting cold turkey on that day itself. On the same day, he gave up alcohol. “Mind over matter,” he says simply. “We can do anything we want to, provided we have the motivation.” Alfred is fond of mentioning how doctors are perplexed by his medical history. Although his cancer is in remission, his diabetes and hypertension persists. His kidneys are in poor shape. “They always say it’s a miracle that I’m standing upright.”
Alfred is a testament to what the best doctors have known for years: that physical and psychological health is inextricably linked. He claims that he discovered the true secret to enjoying good health only after realising his body was falling apart. The secret is one frequently scoffed at as a ‘medical myth’, and undermined by orthodox medical specialists. “Love,” Alfred declares, “is God.” A pious Catholic, Alfred is succoured by staunch devotion to the faith, and his love of cultivating meaningful relationships with those around him. How he has inspired the hundreds of people privileged enough to cross his path defies verbal description.
My experience working with Hospis Malaysia and Alzheimer’s Disease Foundation Malaysia over these last two years have convinced me that I am impassioned to contribute to the health of the elderly. My present interest in gerontology may be a fleeting one, but that which remain indelibly imprinted upon my psyche are the often underestimated contributions of the elderly population to the generations succeeding them. Their lifetimes are educative and emotive tapestries of richness beyond compare. Some are blessed to be born into circumstances of abundant bliss and satisfaction, and such fortuitousness follows them from the cradle to the grave. Others are touched and moulded to conform to a chosen destiny. The patients I encountered in Hospis Malaysia often recall their lives with deep regret and pain. Overwhelmed by the misery of apparently having their lives not merely shortened and riddled with physical and mental suffering, but robbed of significance, is akin to the most dreadful violation. Those who no longer knowingly have a life, or even memories, to call their own, such as those tragically afflicted by Alzheimer’s disease and dementia. Yet all these elderly people share one commonality – to be invaluable tutors of life, directly or indirectly. The elderly are marginalised, ostracised and segregated from society at large, on the basis of their disability or lack of productivity.
Mr. Alfred Kunallan.
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Have you watched it? If you haven’t, my advice to you is go for this movie. It’s really hilarious and I bet you will laugh till you roll to the ground! At the same time, watch for the moral behind the story.
It has some real moments and truth in it about how life is being married and divorced, plus the impact it has on the people around you. The story tells us how life really is in reality.
(Note: Movie spoilers ahead! Read at your own risk.)
I would like to share some of my thoughts here……………………………………………………
Truth is, everybody in this world is searching for happiness. Just like in this movie, Jake (Alec Baldwin), a divorcee who got married again, this time to a younger woman and he is probably in his 60’s (age was notmentioned in the movie).
Now, in general most people would say, “Wow, what a guy! Really envy him, he’s got a young pretty looking lady for a wife, probably a hot one too!” Well, most will drool and wish they were in his shoes.
We never stop to think for a second about what their life really is like back at home behind closed doors.
Just as the scene in the movie showed, he was henpecked by not only his wife but also his young son. Life was not exactly turning out the way he had wanted it to be.
People are funny; they always have this idea that the grass is always greener on the other side.
When they are in love for the first time, all seems rosy and beautiful. (All flaws that appeared are shoved under the carpet) In their eyes then, both partners believe that they are made for each other, inseparable, in heaven, they smell only sweet scents and see beautiful colors around them. It’s like they are in a garden all day long, having fun, picnic after picnic, running around under the shady trees with the lovely breeze brushing by them …… Awwwwe ……Ahhhhh…. Hmmmmm….floating on cloud 9………… SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! WAKE UP.
Guys and Gals, Ladies and Gentlemen… this is a wake up call. Time to open your eyes WIDE! Fun is over! Come back, Come back, say Hello to the Real World!
No worries, not all of reality is bad. We have choices that we can make. Whether it’s a bad choice or a good choice, it’s still a choice.
You choose to fall in love, You choose to let someone love you, You choose to be married, You choose your partner to share your life with… see where this is leading to…… Everything you do is a CHOICE.
So my dear friends… have you ever ask yourselves,
Why you married your spouse in the beginning? Why did you fall for the person you want to share your life with? Why do you not still be in love with the person you’re with after an X amount of years?
You see, each and every one of us deserve to have the happiness we want. All it takes is for you to find it and mind you, I’m not talking about searching it from the outside but instead, search inwards.
I was once asked what I thought of a marriage and I answered that it’s hard work. The answer blew the person who asked away because he could not figure out my answer.
DO YOU THINK SO TOO????????? Please do share your thoughts. :)
Want to know why that’s my answer? Well, to make a marriage work takes two to tango and it’s not like you dance around all day. Both got to put in effort, make sacrifices and a lot of compromises.
A marriage is TWO people from TWO different worlds with TWO different sets of values, coming on a common ground to find a bond to be together as ONE. Now... take a moment and think about it… don’t you think that there is a lot to do?
Just imagine, that the Sun and the Moon has to merge together to be as one. Tough eh ??????
Well each and everyone CAN make the marriage work if you really want it to. There are many things you can do to keep it alive even after many years in the marriage. The only thing that matters is whether you are up for it.
I know nowadays many would call it quits after having an argument, and it seem so easy for them to just walk out. Take a pause and glance at yourselves before you pull the plug.
Ask, have you given it your best shot? Have you done everything you possibly can? Have you understood each other well? Or have you talked it over???
Please think it over before anyone makes a hasty decision to go separate ways.
Remember the grass is never greener on the other side.
Hey if you need to share your thoughts…. Feel free to write or respond.
